Sunday, April 1, 2007

An Important Announcement

I have an announcement to make.

It's something I've been holding inside me for a long time now, but I felt that today was the day I should just cast caution to the wind and be true to the world...and to myself.

For a while, there has been an ongoing sub-joke about my sexual orientation. Occasionally, when I would make some sort of comment, perhaps about women, someone would say, "Oh, I just thought you were gay." A few factors had led to such a joke springing up:
-The fact that I've never had a girlfriend.
-The fact that I was in theater.
-The fact that I think Antonio Banderas is a damn fine-looking man.
-The fact that I don't really play/watch/care for sports.
-The fact that for my senior prom, I dressed as what my mom called "a gay priest."

Yes, yes, everyone had a good laugh. But by laughing at these jokes, I was really laughing at myself - my inner self. Because, you see, I sometimes have feelings. I don't know exactly what you'd call them...love? Interest? Simple curiosity? I don't know; what I do know is that I have them, and they've been getting stronger with each passing day, month, and year.

I don't know exactly when these feelings started. They didn't come in some "Aha!" moment. Rather, it was a gradual, almost-evolutionary thing. When the feelings first started arising, I tried to smother them, to push them out of my mind. I soon realized, however, that it wasn't nearly as simple as that. It was like telling myself, "No, you can't just think up stories. It isn't right." I was denying an essential part of myself, and it wasn't helping me any.

I think I finally made peace with myself around Junior year of high school. And yet, for almost four years, I still have kept my secret to myself. Even those who I considered my best and truest friends have been kept in the dark. Why? Why? I still ask myself this question. Looking back on it, they would have understood...wouldn't they? Why was I afraid? Was I trying to keep up a "manly" front? Or was I simply trying not to make my friendships awkward.

Whatever the "why's" of yesteryear, I am not afraid now. I'm not afraid of society; I'm not afraid of what my family and friends might think. If they truly are my family and friends, they will understand. And if they don't...well, then I guess it's time to re-prioritize myself.

I have an announcement, my friends. I've been holding it inside me for years and years, but now, I can say it as easily as I can say that my name is Andrew Schnorr.

I am NOT gay.

In case you're reading this post in a vacuum (i.e. you can't see the next one), it was an April Fool's Day joke. I am, in fact, straight as an arrow, though I still think Antonio Banderas is a damn fine-looking man.

2 comments:

Alexander said...

say that again tomarrow, on April 2nd. And i'll comment.

Squall said...

What he said.