Wednesday, August 20, 2008


I don't like having things to do. Then you never have enough time to tell anyone else about those things.

Well, here's a couple things:
-I'm in my new apartment. Video tours will commence once everything is finalized. I'll give out an address soon. In the meantime, don't send me any mail.

-I've started my new job, and training is sooo inconvenient.

-School begins in a week. Huzzah?

Hell, at least I keep Elderly Apple updated, eh?

Catch up with you (for reals) later!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Tact and Diplomacy

I think I've just found my way to deal with all the weirdos in Berkeley...

People's Park, here I come!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Random Scenes From a Horror Movie I Thought Of

The crew is inside the haunted shack-mansion. Phillipe is dead on the ground. Tyler walks in.

Tyler: "Hey guys, I-" (Sees body) "Whoa! Aiech! Yeesh! Muahhh! Eewww! Yeeoo-"
James: "You know, those noises aren't going to exonerate you."
Tyler: "I guess not, but sheee..."
James: "Well, now we need to figure out which one of us killed Phillipe."
T.B.: "Could it have been the neighbor? The one that threatened to murder us all if we didn't leave before moonrise?"
James: "Now, now. Let's not jump to any conclusions."
Shawn: "Dammit, James, you never let us jump to conclusions!"
James: "I think we should establish our own alibis first. For example, at the time of the murder, I was in town shopping for food. Anyone in the store can vouch for me."
Kyla: "I was doing my video journal. The time stamp on the video should prove me innocent."
Lester: "Erica and I were debating about having premarital sexual relations. But after consulting with the Bible, we determined that going through with it would be morally wrong."
Erica: "So we can vouch for each other."
Tyler: "Well, I was having that same discussion with the local farmer's daughter. We came to a different conclusion."
Steve: "I'm twelve years old! If I could kill him, he deserved to die."
Shawn: "I was in the can. You can go in there if you don't believe me."
T.B.: "I was on the porch swing having a conversation."
James: "With who?"
T.B.: "The porch swing."
Everyone: "..."
T.B.: "Yeah, the porch swing was trying to convince me that I need to kill everyone in town - including you guys - before you all try to kill me."
Everyone: "..."
James: "And did you decide to acquiesce?"
T.B.: "Oh, Lord no. I was actually trying to convince the porch swing about the value of human life. In fact, I was just up in the library upstairs doing some research in one of those old grimoires about what the ancient philosophers believed was the worth of humanity. Here's a brief outline."
T.B. hands James several sheets of paper.
James: "Well, it's quality research, but still..."
T.B.: "...Oh, wait, you think I did it? I...I suppose that did all sound pretty suspicious."
Tyler: "You know, I think T.B. may have been right saying that it could have been a neighbor."
James: "Now, hold on there! I know these people may not be the smartest people in the world, or the most welcoming, but this town is their home! How would you like it if I came in to your home and starting calling you a murderer?"
Tyler: "If I murdered people, I wouldn't be terribly offended."
Lester: "But I've seen these people go to church. That means they worship God! And any God-worshiping folk wouldn't murder. It's against the 10 Commandments!"
Shawn: "Unless they're lying about being religious."
Erica: "But lying is also against the 10 Commandments!"
T.B.: "We could always ask them."
James: "No, no, I don't want to offend these simple folk. I say right now, we give Phillipe a decent burial. Tyler, T.B., Shawn: get on it."
Fade to scene of Tyler, T.B., and Shawn digging. The grave is barely a couple inches deep.
T.B.: "This digging job isn't as fun as I was hoping."
Tyler: "Yeah, but we need to bury Phillipe's body."
Shawn: "Do we really?"
Tyler: "River?"
Shawn: "River."
Tyler and Shawn throw Phillipe's body into the river.


The crew is eating dinner at the witch's house. What they don't know is that the witch (in the guise of a beautiful young woman) killed Tyler and is feeding his remains to them.

James: "Thanks for inviting us to dinner, Ms. Starlight.
Witch: "Oh, it's my pleasure."
James: "I've noticed Tyler has taken quite a liking to you. It's a shame he couldn't be around for this dinner."
Witch: (Looking deviously into her large pot.) "Oh, I'm sure he's around here somewhere..."
James: "...I'm...I'm not sure I follow."
Witch: "Oh, nevermind. Let me serve you your food."
The witch begins pouring soup into everyone's bowls.
Kyla: "I have to ask, how do you keep your boobs so perky."
Lester: "Kyla! That's not approriate dinnertime talk."
Witch: "Oh, it's alright. I guess you could say it takes a little...magic."
The witch pours T.B.'s bowl of soup. One of Tyler's sneakers sticks out of it prominently.
T.B.: "..."
Witch: "Well, dig in, everyone! Eat, and grow plump and tender and...succulent!"
Shawn: "Hell yeah!"
Everyone eats their soup, except for T.B., who contemplates the sneaker for several moments. He then turns to the witch.
T.B.: "Um, there's a shoe in my soup. I'm not sure if that's part of the recipe, but..."
Witch: "Oh, I'm sorry, my dear. How did that get in there. Let me get it for you."
The witch comes over and pulls the sneaker from T.B.'s soup. A big toe falls out into the soup, splashing some of it onto T.B.'s shirt before floating in the concoction.
T.B.: ".......I think I'll just have a roll." (He picks up a roll and takes a bite from it.) "Euagh."
T.B. lets the food fall from his mouth. An eyeball comes out and rolls around the table.
Witch: "Oh, how did that get in there."
James: "You have an unusually high amount of body parts in your cooking, Ms. Starlight. Is this a Welsh recipe?"
Witch: "You know, sometimes when you cook a feisty animal, a few unexpected things will end up inside. Think of them as hidden surprises."
Erica: "Like Cracker Jack prizes?"
Witch: "Uh, yeah."
T.B.: "May I have some water?"
Witch: "There's water right in front of you."
T.B.: "Yeah, but it looks like there's fingernail clippings in-" (The witch looks at T.B. harshly. A small pendant comes our from her blouse.) "Hey, isn't that Tyler's sacred pendant?"
Witch: "Um...yes. He gave it to me the night we fell in love. He said it's a symbol of our love."
James: "Actually, it's a symbol of mankind's wickedness. Tyler's grandmother was a Polish Jew, one of the lucky ones to survive through the entirety of the Auschwitz concentration camp, and through it all, she saw her family and friends all killed in various horrible fashions. That pendant originally belong to one of her best friends. She was able to sneak it in when they were first imprisoned. However, one day the friend tried to ask guard for medical attention. A dog had bit her. The guard beat her to death on the spot. Tyler's grandmother went to her aid, but she was too late. Her best friend was dead, her pendant hanging limply from her neck. Tyler's grandmother took a small lock of her friend's hair and put it inside the locket attached to the pendant, where it still remains."
Shawn: "Unless it's in the food."
James: "She did this because she knew that whenever she felt the lock of hair, she would remember how she felt when she was holding the lifeless head of her best friend. So she would never forget the kinds of horrible things one person could do to another. Now, about 10 years ago, Tyler's grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. Tyler was the last person she spoke to before her death. She wanted him to take the pendant to remember not only her, but all the millions who had died before her, not surrounded by family in a warm hospice bed, but surrounded by laughing, spitting guards, beating and kicking them until they stopped breathing. And Tyler took that to heart. He has never removed that pendant, and said he would never do so until he had to pass it on to his own grandchildren, because to do so would be to forsake the memory of his people, his faith, and his grandmother."
Witch: "..."
Erica: "But he gave it to you as a present? How romantic!"
T.B.: "Ow, this salad bit me."
Witch: "Alright, this dinner is over!"

Friday, August 8, 2008

Special Presentation: "The Day," A Novel From 12 Years Ago (Part 4)

And now, the exciting non-conclusion to my first attempt at a novel! And it's a doozy of a cliffhanger!

(P.S. In case you haven't seen it already, today is my 200th Elderly Apple strip. Check it, yo!)


Washington D.C., home of the White House, the Pentagon, the Washington Monument, and other American landmarks. It is also a place where people would go to get money for specific reasons. Unfortunately, the person looking for money this time doesn't deserve a penny of it.

It all started with the ringing of the White House doorbell. A skinny, dark-haired woman with glasses opened the door. She looked at the man in amazement. She was looking at Mocknock. Or was she? This man was at least six feet tall, complete with fancy clothes, a washed face, a neat haircut, and even pennies in his dress shoes!

As he talked, she could see his pearl white teeth, "Hello, my name is Mocksona Nockooly. I would like to see the President. It is very important."

"I'm sorry," she said, “The President is extremely busy. I have to . . . how did you get past the guards?”

He had a smirk on his face “What guards?"

The lady became confused, but finally she said “Anyway, YOU couldn’t see him even if he had free time. You need to have an appointment scheduled-And if I look on the list here, "she looked on a clipboard with about ten pages full of names. She looked up again. “I don't see your name anywhere on this list, Mr. Nockooly. Now please get off this property before I call the National Security."

Mr. Nockooly’s face was getting red, “Well 1'11 make it get on the list you slowpoke, cheapskate, overweight, butt-ugly ignoramus."

The woman gasped, “That is the rudest thing I have heard from a man of your stature. I have never been so insulted in all my days. I think that someone should teach your big butt some manners."

Right then Mr. Nockooly lifted his hand and then, like a fancy ray gun, an energy beam shot out of his hand, hitting and evaporating the woman instantly. He never even got a chance to take her name.

He walked inside the White House, laughing. He said, “I disapprove of your theory."

Meanwhile, at the base in Los Angeles, the three were drinking coffee and having a conversation with the others. "So," the chief of the Los Angeles base said, "What brings you Washingtonians here to L.A. Did you come to see the sights or somethin' like that?"

"Actually we didn't mean to come here. It just sort of...happened." John said.

Zach finished what John was going to say, "To tell the truth, some freako named Mocknock or somethin' changed our course to go here. Now this guy, whoever he is said. . .wait one measly second. Now I know where I heard that name before. That freak of nature murdered my brother."

John and Cindy now remembered, too. Cindy remembered how sad she was when she heard her brother was dead. And John remembered how much he wanted revenge against the killer of his father. They now remembered, and they weren't happy.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Special Presentation: "The Day," A Novel From 12 Years Ago (Part 3)

"This tran ... ission ... ot ver ... lear. I ca ... ly hear ... ou. Flu ... s no ... aething. If yo ... an hea ... e respo...ikly." The message from the other trailer on the two way radio came in with lots of static. Even the rest could barely be heard over the hum of the motor.

"What is wrong with this freakin' thing! I went through hell to get it to work and I still can't understand what they're saying!" John was flaming mad. He was pounding on the transmitter so hard that the table which the radio was on broke one of it's legs. It fell and the microphone was disconnected from the transmitter.

Zach was tilting his chair in the back corner. He was really calm. He talked to John smoothly. “Ugh, I keep telling you. The radiation from the explosion fried some of the circuits. And you probably just destroyed everything else in that puny, little box. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out. Sure, you may have to be one to understand it, but. . .Well, anyway, try to remember that."

"Grrrrrrrr. You bett-" Before he could finish his sentence John was flung into the air and hit the front wall of the trailer. Zach fell to the floor face first. Cindy's chair fell on her. The trailer stopped. John was pounding on the window that separated the drivers cockpit to the back of the trailer.” Hey, what the heck's going on here!”

A skinny teenager opened the window and stuck his head out. He had red hair and a face full of freckles, "Wow, I never knew how cool it was back here. Oh, um, we, urn, uhhh, had to stop because, um, mum, mum, oh, yeah, because we don't think that this is the way we came.”

John grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him through the window. He was so mad he was talking without moving his teeth. “What do you mean you don't know?! When I get hold of you I'm going to slap that smart little expression off your face."

Zach spoke up, "Hey John, don' t get too mad. That causes high blood pressure and high blood pressure will kill you. That's why hippies lived to be so old, cause they just wanted peace. No heart attacks for them, baby-"

"SHUT UP!!!" Right after he said that, John gasped and fell to the floor.

"JOHN!" Cindy yelled in horror

"Oh, dear," said the driver while rubbing his head from falling to the floor. “I wonder what happened to him."

When he opened his eyes, John found himself on a bed with a respirator hooked up to him. There was a man in a white robe getting a syringe ready to give someone a shot. He knew that he was in the backup trailer because that was the only trailer with a medical area. The white robed man must be a doctor. He saw Cindy next to the doctor.

"Look who' s awake. You're lucky you only had a slight heart attack. Your blood pressure was a smidge too high. Everything will be fine if you just stay calm,” The doctor talked softly, “Now we'll give you a special treatment right out of our science lab from back at the base. It will keep you from having a heart attack again. But it will take me about five minutes to get the serum ready." He started making some mixtures.

John pulled the respirator from his mouth. He pointed to the doctor, "You're the mutant on the team who lives in the magic fairy land, aren't you?"

“Don' t worry,” the doctor whispered to Cindy, "He' s just has some delirium in his head."

He faintly heard the middle-aged drivers voice. “We're out of cave finally.”

"Cave?" John asked.
“Yes,” Cindy replied, "When the driver said we didn't think we were going the way we came is because we got to the mouth of a cave we didn't see before but we took it anyway after you had that heart attack. And it took us about four hours to get out of it.''

"Hey, what does that sign say?" he heard one of the backup men ask.

He heard the drivers voice again, "Urn, Welcome to. . . San Francisco!"

"-GGGGHHHH!!!!!" John yelled so loud you could hear him miles away then he gasped and had another heart attack.

The doctor looked surprised, "And I never gave him the shot yet."

Again, John awoke. Yet this time he was on the floor of the trailer. But it looked different . It was darker, damper, and the only source of light was a dim bulb on the top of the trailer. It was smaller than he saw it before. He turned his head and saw a busted up radio transmitter next to a broken table. Then he saw two pairs of legs walk by. He knew where he was now. He started to stand up.

"Why am I down here?" He asked, "Why am I in this trailer, anyway?”
“Because,” Cindy answered, “the doctor already gave you the treatment while you were asleep. So because you didn't have a chance of another heart attack, we wouldn’t need you in the medical section of the other trailer, we put you here."

"Two heart attacks in one day," Zach added," You're making history, here, preppie." He turned to the front of the trailer, "Hey driver, what ' s wrong. I thought that San Francisco was a little less pure white. That's the only color I can see out the window. White. Are you sure we're not in the south pole or something. I mean, where are we?"

The dorky teenager stuck his head out, "Hey, just because I'm a driver doesn't mean I have to know anything about cars, anything about the land, or anything else that you learn after the third grade." He looked back to the windshield and continued his driving. Then he closed the window that separated the back of the trailer to the drivers cockpit.

Zach turned back to John and Cindy, who was holding John's hand firmly, "Where do they get these people. I think they made a wrong choice with this one even though he was a better driver than the others that volunteered.”

One hour later, the driver opened the window again “Uh, Mr. Terllingerian, I think you need to take a look at this. It is pretty interesting. But I would put on a jacket first."

“For one thing, my last name is not Terllingerian, it's Lecon. For another thing, call me Zack. And finally, this better be important." Zach turned toward John and Cindy. “Get your jackets."

"Oh, it’s very important, Mr. Terllingerian. We've come up to one of those thingies with trees and, uhhhh, rope." The driver replied.

"Your mind, perhaps?” suggested Zach while putting on his jacket.

"Yeah, I think that's what it's called." replied the driver, who was scratching his head.

"Yeah, it's a plank bridge. A pretty sorry looking plank bridge, at that ." was the first thing that John said when he saw the cheap looking bridge. It was just a bunch of wooden planks held together by a few ropes. Underneath it, there was an enormous gorge covered with icy-white snow.

Cindy looked confused, "Why the heck should we cross that bridge? Why didn't we turn back in the first place? Our main headquarters is in Washington State, and there are only three others in the country. I thought California was one of the most populated states in the U.S. So far there hasn’t been a single person for fifteen hours. How do you know that the bridge might not lead us to some magic pool that a dragon lives in. We don't know if that heads to a place with people in it. We don’t know where it heads at all. California doesn't ever have this much snow, ever. We don't know where the heck we are. We don’t know where we’re going. We’re lost,
for crying out loud."

"Duhhh, no we aren't. I saw a sign at the other end of the gorge." Buck-tooth Barry's words drove curiosity through all the guys there. He passed his binoculars to Cindy, who passed it to Zach, who passed it to John, who passed it to everyone else. They all looked at the ice covered sign at the other end. It read: Los Angeles-20 miles.

"Twenty miles to Los Angeles means twenty miles to the second headquarters- Finally, some good luck!" John’s words were fresh and excited.

"One problem," Zach saidIWTo even have a chance to get to Los Angeles and the other headquarters we have to have precise modem accuracy and speed to get to the other side of a dangerous-looking structure that could not sustain the extreme weight of our vehicles that obviously weighs more than the largest pachyderm ever times two.”

John was really confused, “Please explain that in English."

Zach sighed, “To get to Los Angeles we have to cross this gorge. And that bridge does not look too promising.”

After everyone huddled into the trailers, they started to the bridge. The backup trailer went across the bridge before the other one because if it went second it would fall because the other trailer loosened the boards. It (surprisingly) went across safely without even breaking one board. But the boards looked wobbly now. The teenage driver had to go across slowly and steadily (two things he couldn’t do well).

As they went across, one by one, the boards began to crack, break, and fall behind them. The bottom of the gorge seemed to take forever to get to. All around them there was a eery silence and nothing but the nothingness of white snow.

They were about half across the gorge they heard the driver's voice, “Uhhh, Mr. Terllingerian, I saw something in the air, and I think you might want to see this."

"Fine. Zach, bust the window." John said as he looked toward Zach. Zach nodded, cracked his knuckles, and made a fist. On both sides of the trailer, there was one foot by one foot windows that two pieces of glass with chicken wire in between. Zach got ready, flew his arm in the direction of one of the windows, and shattered the glass (both layers), leaving just the wire. He grabbed hold of the wire and tore it out. John stuck his head out to the icy chill.

Outside he saw a little robot flying with two pairs of mechanical wings flapping like crazy. One of its two hands had lots of sharp claws and the other one was like a built in laser gun. It was only about two feet tall. It's laser gun hand started shaking, and a bright red beam of light shot out of it, ready to slice through anything like a hot knife through hot butter.

"You guys should see this." John said to the other two. At the back of the trailer there were two steel doors. They were both stuck but if you could get the right door opened they would both open. So with all his strength, Zach kicked the right door. Not only did both doors open, but the right door was knocked out of it's sockets and fell to the ground way below. Zach and Cindy couldn't believe what they saw. The laser beam was almost touching the rope. The robot was going to slice the rope with them on it!

Immedietly Zach pulled out his PP7 gun and shot the robot. It's laser gun hand turned off and it spun wildly. "Gide that grappling hook and tie it somewhere.” Zach yelled. John threw him the hook and tied the other end to a bolted down bed. Zach twirled the hook over his head like a cowboy and threw it toward the front. It hooked on to a wooden plank about six boards away from where the others were. He just hoped to God that this would work.

"Okay, guys, hold on to something!” John yelled. Everyone grabbed something and held on tight.

"The door!" Zach yelled as he ran to close what was left of the two doors. But he was too late. The robot already sliced all the ropes and the whole bridge went falling in two pieces. Zach would have almost dropped to his death if he wasn't so big. He stretched his arms and legs so they were in all four comers, saving his life. His face was looking to the inside of the trailer, so he could see John and Cindy dangling. He also saw the transmitter almost about to hit him except for a small peg.

"John, the transmitter is about to hit me. Grab it!"

"I can't! It's too far away. Can you get it, Cindy?"


The transmitter fell ... right toward Zach’s chest!

"Ohhhh. . .shoot!" That was the word Zach said right before the transmitter hit him and he fell toward the bottom of the gorge. . . if he hadn't grabbed on to the corner of the remaining door. He held on for deer life. The door broke from it's first hinge. He started climbing up with a strong grip. He was halfway up when the second hinge broke. He kept on climbing. He was almost at the top, ready to climb inside when the third and final hinge broke. He was falling to the bottom of the gorge with nothing to save him. He let go of the door, which flew to one side of the gorge. He was falling, falling until he reached his top velocity speed and hit the bottom of the gorge. Instead of hitting solid ground an dying, he hit the snow, and went down three feet from the top.

Back up at the trailer they all thought that Zach was dead. But they had problems of they're own. You see the weight of the trailer was pulling down the grappling hook, and the boards were just breaking. And it was just going down faster, until the last board holding them up broke. They fell down straight for Zach, who was still alive and could still feel pain. Zach tried to move but the walls of snow were so thick he couldn't move. The trailer came racing down strait for him. He said a quick prayer when the trailer hit the ground. Just to his luck, the open part of the tailer where the doors had been is exactly where Zach was. John and Cindy lost their grip and fell to the snow, but not as deep as Zach.

"Zach, you're alive!"

"Yes, now get me outta here!”

John and Cindy both pulled him out. Just then the trailer tipped back over. They got up and walked toward the driver's cockpit (which was tough because the snow was so deep) to see how the driver was doing. When they got there they were disgusted. Unfortunately, the teenage driver was not wearing his seatbelt.

When they turned away they saw the little robot that caused them to be down there. All of a sudden it's circuits seemed to go haywire. It s screws seemed to be coming looser. Then it just burst into flames. There was a big cloud of dust and when it settled, all three of them seemed to gasp in unison.

"No. could it be? That's impossible!” John yelled in half surprise, half terror.

In the middle of the smoke they saw Irwin Pilo (a.k.a. Roboshmo) with a gleam on his face. Irwin was Zach’s arch enemy. They used to be comrades in mechanics until Irwin was kicked out because of his killer robots. He decided to get revenge so he killed Zach's girlfriend, the only woman Zach ever loved. Then Zach, out of anger, threw Irwin into a piece of his own machinery. He thought he got rid of him for good this seemed to discourage him.

"Hell, o you three, He turned to Zach and snarled, "Hello, Zach."

"You evil demon!" Zach jumped to Irwin, and went right through him! He landed face down in the snow.

"A hologram,” Cindy said, shocked.

"That's right. Can you do something for me? All you have to do is," he started to shrink into a bright, shining sphere about 1 foot in diameter, “look into the shiny ball.”

The sphere just hovered in the air. Then it cracked like an egg and out from it popped a big man. He had a black, tight-fitting costume and a red cape. His teeth seemed to be that of a sharks. His eye had a red glow. Half of his hair was in spikes and the other half was in a buzz cut. He had black and orange stripes on his face.

"Not you, again." John said.

Zach looked up at the man, "Who in bloody blue blazes are you?"

"I am Mocknock, lord of all Econick. And I'd like to congratulate you. No one has ever survived my hologram trap."


"Well, you see, you are in Los Angeles right now. It is not winter, either. It is summer. You're not only in the midst of Los Angeles, you're also in the midst of the freeway. Have a nice life.. .whatever is left of it.” Mocknock snapped his fingers and there was a bright light that flashed before there eyes. Then, like Mocknock said, they were in Los Angeles and on the freeway. Mocknock disappeared and in his place there was a big rig heading right for them. They jumped to the side of the road where the other trailer was.

"Are you all right? " One of the other guys said, "Do you know how we got here."

"I don't know," Cindy said, “but I think we should go to the headquarters.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Special Presentation: "The Day," A Novel From 12 Years Ago (Part 2)

It's 1999, 20 years after the one museum got robbed of all it's diamonds. The strange thing was that no one, including the people and the police, had ever seen any person that looked like Mocknock. Some of the government thought that there was no such person, or thing as Mocknock. They thought that the police were making it up. But about 99% of the government believed them.

On one moonless night a 30 year old, a 29 year old, and a 36 year old going by the first names of John, Cindy, and Zack were on their way to a big warehouse according to there assignment. They were in a secret agency that fought very evil bad guys. But where ever they went, they weren't alone. They were almost at the warehouse and they were getting their "stuff ready in their special trailer. Their backup was in another trailer. Everyone was all ready to go. They have driven half across the state of Washington to get here and they wanted to have a good fight.

Each of the three had their own special abilities. John was the leader because he. . .well. . .was the best one to be the leader. He had good aiming skills and he never backed away from a good fight. Cindy was good at adapting. She could change from one weapon to one she never used in her life in a snap. Also, John and Cindy were boyfriend and girlfriend. But other than that we still need to find out what Zack is good at. What he is good at is mechanics. He could build a mini spy camera from scratch in about 15 minutes. He also is the team's bulky strong man. He could make a hole in five-inch,solid steel wall with tree blows.

The only thing that they weren't happy about was that they were assigned with Flud Memon. Flud thought that he was the best person on the force. He's always trying to impress Cindy. He even likes to call himself "Flud the Stud.” He did not like the fact that John was Cindy's boyfriend.

When they got to the warehouse they were all ready. John had two one handed machine guns. Cindy had a automatic shotgun. Zach was not exactly going to be in the heart of the battle, but he always had his trusty silenced PP7 handgun just in case. Flud, who was with John and Cindy, had a laser cannon that strapped onto his shoulder.

“All right, Zack said, "I've noticed that people have noticed that other people have noticed strange activity coming from this building. And just recently I have picked up these blueprints that show that there is like a missile that has a forcefield around it."

"You fool.” Flud said, “Can' t you see that it's a government conspiracy theory." He paused for a second. “Or have they gotten to you too." All of a sudden Flud leaped into the air, as if he was going to pounce on Zack. But before he even laid a finger on him, Zack held his arm out in the direction that flud was jumping from. And of course, Flud's chest hit Zack's fist.

"OOF! " Flud hit the ground right when he hit Zack’s fist. Flud was strong, but Zack was always stronger. Flud disliked that it was that way. He also did not like that George Washington was so famous, that schoolkids had to tuck in their shirts, that the Swiss wasted cheese by putting holes in it, and that you can't go swimming in a pool full of JELL-0.

"All right," Zack said, ''I need you guys to shoot down the four forcefield generators and 1'11 plant the bomb right under the missile. Go in through the roof. Be careful, who ever is doing this must be a evil genius of some sort. But remember, you go in and you get out in fifteen minutes. That's when the bomb will explode."\

John, Cindy, and Flud went to the top of the building. They cut out some glass panels from the skylight and put a rope down the hole. They climbed down onto a high-up, empty storage space instead of going to the ground. They thought it would be safer.

While they were doing that Zack was moving under the whole warehouse. He looked on the blueprints to see where he was going. It was completely dark except for the light of a dim lantern that he had. When he found the place that was right under the missile he strapped a bomb that he made himself onto the main electrical source. He set it for 15 minutes and when he set the bomb, the time before it explodes was on a special watch he gave to the others.

Once Cindy saw that they had 15 minutes she aimed at one of the forcefield generators. But before she shot it something appeared out of nowhere. John and Flud saw it, too. It was like nothing they ever seen before.

It sort of looked a big, red tube that looked as if it were made of cloth. What amazed them more was that it opened up, like a curtain at a theater, and a strange looking man that had a cape (the red tube was part of the cape) came out. He had a big leather bag in his hands. Can you guess who it was?

It was Mocknock, alright. And he looked weirder than ever. His eyes glowed brighter than before and his hair was more gelled. And in his hand there lay a huge diamond.

"After twenty years I have finally done it! I've melted the last of all the power diamonds I have stolen. Now there is nothing that can stop me and world destruction!" He said in a sort of yell. He put the huge diamond down on a little table.

"Nothing that can stop him, eh. Flud said in a voice low enough so that only John and Cindy could hear him,ttWellC,i ndy, I'11 show you how a real man gets into the fight." And then he started to go down to the floor.
"Flud, get back here! Flud, you idiot!" Cindy yelled in a loud whisper, "Ugh! Will he ever learn?! She got ready to shoot the first generator (again) .

"Hey you! Do you want to make trouble?! Well, if you do, you found it right here 'cause I'm the worst trouble you could get into." Flud yelled strait to Mocknock. His fists were high in the air. As he yelled he walked toward Mocknock. He had a mad-type expression on his face.

Mocknock seemed to move his lips in a smile until you could see his pointed, razor-sharp teeth," Very well. HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!" he said in a chanting voice. His smile turned into a pure evil grin. His red eyes glowed brighter than ever.

Flud looked really confused, "But it ain’t . . . Flud couldn’t even finish his sentence before Mocknock’s fist flipped him over in a powerful uppercut. As he laid motionless on the floor something appeared in Mocknock’s hand. What was it? It was a joy buzzer.

Mocknock raised his hand high, and then slammed it down at an uncontrollable speed. Flud seemed to light up right as the joy buzzer hit him. Sparks seemed to circle him just like sharks will circle a boat. Mocknock raised his hand up a little, and Flud went up too! The electric force was so strong to pick up something with it!

Mocknock circled Flud around his head for a while and pounded him on the floor for a while. John and Cindy stared in amazement, but after a while Mocknock got bored and threw Flud against the leg of a storage rack. Unfortunately, it was the one that John was on. The storage rack leg broke, and John fell strait to the floor.
He got up to see Mocknockws glowing eyes and pointed teeth. He was scared to even move. He didnw t usually back out of a fight, but he'd just seen this freak twirl Flud around like a dog on a leash with some crazy owner. He backed up to the wall still laying down.

"Well, well, well, what have we hear?" Mocknock began. An electric ball seemed to form in his hand, "You’ve made the biggest mistake of your life. I think I'll pulverize you...right after I give you the biggest shock of your life. And not only that, I'11...what the?" He looked up to see that Cindy had shot one of the generators when she found out that they only had 8 minutes left until the bomb set off.

"Good job, Cindy. Keep up the great wor . . . oooof f f f f f ! " John held his chest after a powerful punch. Mocknock ran toward the ladder that would get him up to Cindy but before he did John took out his mini machine guns and shot at some chains that were holding alot of oil drums. After the chains broke all the drums went flying and one hit Mocknock in the head right when Cindy destroyed the second generator.

Mocknock let a lion's roar come out of his mouth. Then he performed an uppercut in Cindy's direction. A replica of his arm that was made of complete energy came - and hit Cindy through the wall!

"I got you, Cindy!" Zach yelled as he caught her in his arms, "That was a huge fall. Did you destroy all four generators?"

"Um, not quite. But I did destroy two of them." she said.

Zach looked at her with blank eyes, No...No...NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”

"Yes ...yes ... and, um ...yes."

Zach was getting serious, "Things couldn’t be worse. Half the generators to the missile are still running and the bomb is going to go off in four minutes and fifty-two seconds." Cindy looked at her special watch and, indeed, it pointed out 4.52, "And to make matters worse," he continued, "John and Flud are still in the warehouse!"

Cindy began, "I don't even know if Flud is alive." Zach didn't say anything for a few seconds. Then he hit a computer so hard it flew about ten feet and hit the trailer.

"I want complete backup,” Zack was now yelling at the people in the other trailer. “Half of you go through the front and the other half go around to the back door. Make sure John, Flud, and any hostages that are in there get safely out!" While he was yelling the backup team was getting their gear and other stuff ready.

Meanwhile, inside the warehouse, John was busy with Mocknock. He shot the third generator and aimed both guns at Mocknock, who was sprinting right at him. He closed his eyes, said a quick prayer, fired his guns, opened his eyes, and saw Mocknock with about 25 bulletholes in his chest and stomach area. With torture like that, he was surprised that there was not even a squeak of pain. In fact, he thought he saw a smile. Mocknock let the blood flow all over him. And flow it did! It covered his whole body from head to toe. It turned from red to silver, which ended up as liquid meatal (which is the meatal that can morph into different things).

John backed up slowly but tripped over Flud’s motionless carcass. While he was lying on the floor, the metallic Mocknock's hand turned into a huge mallet. John fired both of his guns, yet only two bullets came out of one of them and one came out of the other. He was out of ammo.

Just as the giant mallet reached the tip of John's nose, the meatal shattered off Mocknock like glass. Both John and Mocknock turned around to see the half of the backup group that went through the back with electric ball cannons. Then the front door busted open and in came the second half. John looked at his watch. 0.57. Time was running out.

Two guys picked up Flud. The half from the back were running toward the front. One guy pulled a grenade pin with his teeth and threw it at the last of the generators. The last generator disappeared in a small explosion and a puff of smoke. Then the guy ran out of the warehouse. John looked at Mocknock who grabbed the huge diamond and looked into John's eyes.

"You may have won the battle, but the war has just begun. He twirled his cape and turned into the red tube and disappeared. Just then Zach grabbed John’s arm and pulled him into the trailer with ten seconds left. All the trailers left and when they were about two hundred yards away the bomb (and the missile) exploded, leaving the group with alot of unanswered questions.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Special Presentation: "The Day," A Novel From 12 Years Ago (Part 1)

So, while I was visiting my home, I was going through some old papers of mine, ranging from drawings to school report cards. Interestingly enough, I had no qualms getting rid of the report cards, certificates of achievement, and other things of that nature, but when it came to my crappy little drawings, I couldn't let go.

Well, one of the things I found in this pile of stuff was a printed manuscript of my very first attempt at a novel. Yes, well before I was actually publishing books, I was trying to make the great American novel. Truth be told, I actually remember (vaguely) writing this, sitting at my dad's computer, type-typing away at some blue-screened, DOS-based word editing program.

And I was nine at the time. I want to stress that before you read any more.

Well, I was so tickled by finding this that I decided to share it all with you. In the next four posts, I will be showing off my creation in its completion (which is to say, its nowhere-near-completion).
Marvel at my use of surnames like "Mrufoon"!
Laugh as I use jokes ripped, word-for-word, from The Simpsons!
Gasp at how minor characters literally throw themselves at certain death!
Cry at the fact that my main character's personalities are as fickle as a quark!

Now, I wanted to keep this as true to source material as possible. Meaning, it reads as though it were a terrible fan fiction. So, instead of transcribing the piece (which would have been painful in and of itself), I scanned it using Adobe's text-reading features. It's not perfect, but I tried to iron the mistakes. Unless, of course, the mistakes were supposed to be there. In which case, you can just imagine a giant "[sic]" at the end of each of these posts.

Remember, I was nine. Don't judge me.

And now, if you can keep from ripping out your eyes, enjoy!

The Day
By: Andrew D. Schnorr

On the rainy night of March 26,1979, a police officer had a strange feeling that something very bad was going to happen at the museum he was in. Something very bad did happen. And it happened without warning.

All of a sudden a red cloth the size of a human in the shape of a tube appeared out of nowhere. It turned into a man wearing a red cape, but he was not a superhero. He wore black, tight-fitting clothes (with the exception of his cape).He had razor sharp teeth. Half of his hair was shaped like spikes and the other half had a buzz cut. He had black and orange stripes painted across his face and his eyes glowed red. All the policemen stared at him in amazement, wonder, and horror. They all thought their heart had stopped beating, or skyrocketed to an extremely high beat. No earthy thing could have done that. And no earthly person could want that hairstyle.

"Time to grab the goodies,” he said in a regular human voice. Then he started breaking the glass cases, stealing small diamonds, and putting them into a large, leather bag. In not very long he had every diamond except for one and it was the biggest one. He looked very pleased that none of the policemen did not attack him but he did not look surprised. Just when he was about to break the glass case of the diamond the museum doors swung open and a bunch of policemen came running in. Two of them that were around 21 came in before the rest of them. When they almost got to him he threw two small leather bags on the floor. They quickly expanded into one big sand pile. Two huge hands made out of sand came out! It grabbed the two policemen, took them under the sand, and the sand shrunk and disappeared.

"I'm going to kill you!" A much older man yelled. He had a mad look on his face.

"Kill me? I...don’ You don't know who you’re dealing with. I am Mocknock, lord of all Econick. And you cannot defeat me." so said the man with the wild hairdo.

"OK Mr .Mocknock, the man who thinks he is so hot, C 'mon. Try me. I dare ya." the man said.

"Very well." Mocknock said. Something appeared out of nowhere; It looked like a titanium tube that was one foot long and two feet in diameter. It had a handle on one end and an opening on the other end. Inside the opening it was pitch black-"You chose your fate."

"And I chose it well!" the man yelled. He reached for his gun and was about to fire, but before he could Mocknock pushed a button on the handle of the thing and it sucked the gun inside of it!

"I see you are interested in my Suck-0-Matic," Mocknock said over the rumble of the vacuum-type tube. Then the man felt his feet move, but he was not moving them. He was being sucked into the Suck-0-Matic!

The man ran to the bathroom and shut the door behind him when he got inside, He locked the door and thought that he was safe, but then the door started rumbling, and popped out of its sockets! It flew into the Suck-0-Matic, and even though it was too big to get inside of it, it still went in and disappeared! The man stood in amazement for after the door disappeared the Suck-0-Matic devoured a seven foot tall lamp! And might I remind you the Suck-0-Matic tube was only one foot long!

But the man was not standing still anymore-He was being sucked up the Suck-0-Matic again! He held onto the doorframe to keep from getting sucked up. He held on as tight as he could. His shoes got sucked right off his feet! Then his socks, and then his ...

"All right! All right ! I give up. You have proven me wrong,” Mocknock said. The man calmed down. He let go of the doorframe. He still could not believe that he had beat this thing.

"Well.. ." he started to say, but before he could finish his sentence he heard only one single word.

"NOT!!!" Mocknock said. He quickly pushed the button on the handle of the Suck-0-Matic before the man could do anything about it. He was sucked into the Suck-0-Matic! Inside, it was like a slide that went nowhere.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!" the man screamed as he slid down the long slide. That was why everything that went into it disappeared. But the man did not worry about that now. He had his own problems.

"Well that is taken care of. I might as well finish the job,” Mocknock said. He squeezed the Suck-0-Matic so hard it began to shrink & shrink & shrink. Before long it had vanished. Then Mocknock headed for the big diamond again. But one policeman tried to stop him.

"Oh, no you don’t!” the policeman said as he jumped on Mocknock's back holding on by putting his arms around Mocknock's neck.

"Oh, yes I do ! " Mocknock said. Then he started changing in a way that no one could imagine. It looked like there was fire inside of him and that it was coming out of him. In a short while of time he looked like one big statue of hot coal.

"YEEOW!!!” the policeman yelled as he jumped off Mocknock's back. Mocknock headed for the case. He put his hand on the glass, and it went right through! Wherever he put his hand it melted the glass! He cooled off his body before he grabbed the diamond so it would not melt.

After Mocknock took the diamond he walked toward the wall. He grabbed both sides of his cape. A policeman ran at him, ready to ram Mocknock into the wall.

"Sorry, but I'm in a hurry." Mocknock said. He took his cape, whirled it around him, turned into the red tube of cloth, and disappeared. Instead of the policeman ramming Mocknock into the wall, he slammed into it himself.

The only thing that Mocknock did not know was that the two 21 year old cops that were dragged under the magic sand both had younger siblings. But they were not brothers themselves. And the older policeman who was sucked into the Suck-0-Matic was a father. The one policeman who jumped on Mocknock's back while he was becoming very hot knew what he had to do. He told 10 year old John Mrufoon, the son of the policeman who got sucked into the Suck-0-Matic, about his father's fate. He also told a 9 year old girl, Cindy Flaco, a sister of one of the 21 year old cops, about her brother's fate. And last but not least, a fairly dark skinned boy, 16 year old Zack Lecon, the brother of the other 21 year old, was told about his brother's fate.

All three of the kids had something in common. They were all going to have the biggest adventure they ever had.

Friday, August 1, 2008

So, I'm Back...

More to follow...

In the meantime, enjoy something totally different.