Sunday, July 13, 2008

A Button-less Shame

Oh, I forgot to mention this.

Remember how I was going to have buttons and postcards for Elderly Apple at Comic-Con?

Well, long story short, it ain't going to happen.

Short story long (or maybe medium length), I sent in my finalized designs several weeks back to be approved as family-friendly, and to receive the address to which I would send the materials to be put on the freebie table. I had no doubt that I would pass the family-friendly test, as I don't use profanity, don't have graphic violence, and would be completely lost on kids, save for the pictures. So it was just a matter of them looking at my pieces so I could get some confirmation.

As such, I waited.

And waited.

...And waited.

And heard nothing. Not one word. Neither one way or the other. Days, a full week passed. I was becoming concerned. So, I decided to call their Press Relations department (who were in charge of the approval).

Him: "Hello?"
Me: "Hello, I was hoping I could speak with Christopher Jansen, please."
Him: "May I ask what you're calling in regards to?"
Me: "I had sent an application out a while ago to put some promotional materials on the Comic-Con freebie table, but I hadn't heard back."
Him: "Okay. Your name."
Me: "Andrew Schnorr"
Him: "And your company?"
Me: "Elderly Apple Comics."
Him: "Ebony Apple?"
Me: "Elderly Apple."
Him: "Okay, so you have a question about the freebie table?"
Me: "Yes."
Him: "Okay, you're going to want to speak with our press relations department."
Me: "Yes, I know. I was hoping to be patched through to them."
Him: "And you're going to want to speak with Christopher Jansen."
Me: "Um...yes. That's who I asked to speak with."
Him: "Okay, give me a second."
[Three minutes later.]
Him: "Sir, I'm sorry, but Chris is currently busy. Would you like to wait, or would you rather me take a message."
Me: "I'll wait."
Him: "It may be a while."
Me: "I'm willing to wait as long as necessary."
[Ten minutes later.]
Him: "Sir, I'm afraid Chris is in a conference meeting."
Me: "I can wait."
Him: "Sir, a more expedient method of contacting Chris would be through email. He answers immediately."
Me: "I sent Mr. Jansen an email regarding this situation well over a week ago. He has not responded in any way."
Him: "Oh. Well, you see, Chris is currently backed up with email. It may be some time before he responds."
Me: "My promotional materials publisher has a strict turnaround period, and I need an answer soon."
Him: "You may want to call again later."
Me: "Will he actually be available?"
Him: "He should be."

And so I called back later that day. Another conference meeting. I called again the next day. Twice. Two more conference meetings. And again and again for seven days! I'm pretty sure Christopher Jansen is a Patrick Bateman-like slacker in the office, always making excuses to get out of phone calls and meetings.

So, after a full week of calling, I finally get hold of one of Christopher Jansen's underlings. After a lengthy conversation, I was basically told that it was pretty much too late at this point, and if I didn't get an email in the next couple days, there was no chance (needless to say, I didn't get an email within a couple days). My favorite part of the conversation was the end:

Him: "Sir, you really can't blame us. You should have sent in your materials at least a week ago."
Me: "I sent my materials in two-and-a-half weeks ago."
Him: "Oh. Sorry."
Me: "...Thank you." [Click.]

So...yeah. You're not going to see people walking around the Con wearing buttons of a bar of soap slipping on his own residue. It just wasn't meant to be. On the bright side, I don't have to pay the hundreds of dollars to get it all printed, right?

...Am I right, folks?


Anonymous said...

This is just another example of "THE MAN" sticking it to the small guy who is trying to make himself heard!

(this is not to indicate in any manner or form that you are small in stature or personality, or that not a man)

Anonymous said...

What the hell is Elderly Apple?

-Alex Mtz

Anonymous said...

Sorry Drew
They are still going to make you famous. You wait and see. Love you
PS I wanted one );

Anonymous said...

Anonymous - just click on the "Elderly Apple" button on the main page and find out for yourself. Some pretty funny stuff can be found there.

Anonymous said...

Lo siento...I say boycott 'em!

-Comrade Chavez

Anonymous said...

wellp, you can always pay me a large sum of money, and I'll paint my car (if/when I get a new one or fix the old one) with elderly apple ads.