Thursday, July 19, 2007

GREAT EBAYER!! WILL DO BUSINESS AGAIN!! A+++++!!!

Here's an interesting article I saw today. And here's my little paraphrase for those too lazy to click the link:

Some British 16-year old paid £95 ($194) for a used PlayStation 2 and two games from some auctioneer on eBay. When the package arrived, it came with the system, but without the two games. In their place, there was €65,400 ($90,000). The kids parent's brought it to the police for investigation, but if no one claims the money by September 22, the kid can legally keep it.

Says some hotshot eBay spokesman, "We know that eBay is a great place to pick up a bargain, although in this case, we agree that the contents of the parcel were somewhat unusual..."
Carlos: "Hey, THE_BOLSHEVIK."
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Hey, Carlos."
Carlos: "What's in the box?"
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Oh, it's a PlayStation 2 I bought on eBay."
Carlos: "I thought you hated Sony."
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "That's irrelevant for our purposes here."
Carlos: "Well, how much did you pay for it?"
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "$200."
Carlos: "$200? Seriously? Did it at least come with any games?"
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Yes! Two, in fact!"
Carlos: "...THE_BOLSHEVIK, you could have bought a PS2 and two games for less than that new at the store. On eBay, you shouldn't have paid more than $75 for what you got."
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Well, I...I think that if I pay more for it, I'll get greater joy from it."
Carlos: "Wait, isn't the economic principle the opposite of that?"
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "It's my PS2; I'll pay what I want for it!"
Carlos: "Well, why don't you open it?"
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "I'm going to do just that, Mr. Smart Guy."
THE_BOLSHEVIK opens the box and takes out a PS2 and a small bag.
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Aw, man! They shorted me my two games?"
Carlos: "What's in the bag?"
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "The games, maybe?"
THE_BOLSHEVIK shuffles through the bag.
Carlos: "What is it?"
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "It's...$90,000."
Carlos: "Wow, that's the best return on an investment I've ever seen!"
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Yeah, a 45,000% return rate."
Carlos: "Looks like all your troubles are over, THE_BOLSHEVIK."
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Yep! Happy days are here again, thanks to Mr. John Watherton and his mysterious bag of money!"

..........

Carlos is reading a newspaper while THE_BOLSHEVIK is playing on his PS2.
Carlos: "Looks like there's a murder story in the paper today."
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Details?"
Carlos: "Victim shot 18 times."
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Ouch."
Carlos: "Victim's house sacked."
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Rough."
Carlos: "Victim's name was John Watherton."
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Hehe. 'Watherton'."
Carlos: "Where have I heard that name before?"
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Well, I did just buy this PS2 from a John Watherton. Had to get the games myself, though. Cheap bastard."
Carlos: "Wait, didn't that PS2 come with money?"
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Yep. $90,000, baby."
Carlos: "..."
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "..."
Carlos: "..."
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "...Oh, God! OH, GOD!!!"
Carlos: (Beginning to leave:) "It's been nice knowing you, THE_BOLSHEVIK."
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "No, Carlos, you can't leave me! Me! In my hour of need, me!"
Carlos: "You're grammar's breaking up, THE_BOLSHEVIK. I should go."
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Nooo."
There is a slow, loud knock at the door.
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Save me, Carlos."
THE_BOLSHEVIK looks around. Carlos is gone.
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Goddammit!"
The knocking continues.
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Oh sir, or madam, surely your forgiveness I implore. For you see-"
The door breaks open, and a large individual rushes in and grabs THE_BOLSHEVIK by the throat, pinning him to the wall.
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Aaarrgh!"
Kris: "Hey, THE_BOLSHEVIK, do you like my new hand moisturizer?"
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Aa...Kris?"
Kris: "Yeah, I just bought this new lotion. It makes my hands feel so smooth."
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Well, yeah, but why did you break down my door and rush in like that?"
Kris: "Oh, well there's a funny story to that. When I was-"
*BANG!!!*
Kris: "Down I go."
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Oh, God! OH, GOD!!!"
Enforcer: "Where's the money, Fat Boy?"
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Hey! Neither killing my friend nor calling me names is very nice!"
Enforcer: "You're a Chemistry major, right? Can you tell me what happens when you mix bullet with brain?"
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "I'm...not a Chemistry major, actually..."
Enforcer walks over and picks up the money bag.
Enforcer: "Here we are. You didn't spend any money, did you?"
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Um..."
Enforcer: "Be honest."
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "I spent $50 on a Three Stooges collection."
Enforcer: "I'll take that, too."
THE_BOLSHEVIK: "Aww...."
Enforcer walks to the door.
Enforcer: "That'll be all. Now remember..."
*BANG!!!*
THE_BOLSHEVIK: (Clutching his leg) "Argh."
Enforcer: "Leave some positive feedback."
Enforcer leaves. Carlos enters.
Carlos: "Hey, guys, sorry about that. I was just making a phone ca...huh."

THEND.

4 comments:

dad said...

Nice story with a happy ending. Still waiting for the b*st*rd who owes me either my item I paid for or a refund for it (plus the shipping charges).

Do you have the telephone # of the enforcer?

Christopher said...

Andrew, you killed one of your characters...that's so un-you, so post modern...haha, oh well, that seems a lot like my luck.

-Comrade Chavez

Andrew Schnorr said...

Note: Either this is not canon, Kris is not dead, or a wizard will later come and fix things.

Squall said...

whenever you notice anything unusual, a wizard did it.