Welcome to the Lobotomist's Dream!

A hearty hello and welcome to my colleagues and colleagues soon to be!

My name is Dr. Frank Corlin. I am a licensed lobotomist, and I have been practicing it for 36 years without ever taking a vacation from my beautiful Maryland home. In fact, I've lived in Maryland for my whole life, sharing the last 40 of them with my beautiful wife, Barbara. We've had 2 children, and are just now watching our 2 grandchildren growing up. (Little Chester calls me Doc C; I love it!)

But I'm not here to talk to you about my personal life (though I will mention it from time to time). No, I'm here to talk about my profession.

Lobotomy has been, I think, unfairly singled out in the medical world as a dangerous operation at best, and a crock at worst. This seems to stem from people's ideas that no science relating to a brain's physical state has any merit. Oh, yes, psychology and psychiatry are well-respected, because they tackle the mental issues, but lobotomy has been lumped in with phrenology just because we have to touch the brain.

I once had a patient who came to me (or rather, I was referred to her by my colleague, Dr. Phillip Kohl) and asked me, without a moment's hesitation, "Doctor, isn't lobotomy just a pseudoscience created by the Aztecs?"

I must have scared her, I was laughing so heartily.

"No," I replied, "You're thinking of trepanation, a process created by the Incan people in which they removed a piece of the skull in order to relieve pressure from the brain."

"Oh, then what is lobotomy?" she asked with genuine interest.

I smiled back at her as I said, "We remove a piece of the brain."

Of course, the concept scared the living daylights out of her. But after the procedure was done, she was calm and quiet as a clam. I'm sure she was pleased by the procedure, and by the fact that she didn't let her preconceptions get in the way.

Now, lobotomy first came into general use in 1890, by Dr. Gottlieb Burckhardt. Here is a picture of him. A brilliant Swiss man, Burckhardt removed pieces of the frontal lobes of six different patients who were suffering from psychosis. As with all brand new procedures, the results were somewhat mixed. One of the patients died after the operation, and another was from in a river 10 days later. The rest exhibited some form of altered behavior, mostly for the better. While this may sound like poor odds, a 2/3 success rate is actually quite high, particularly for 19th-century European medical practices. In his work, Dr. Burckhardt showed what miracles could be achieved simply by eliminating some uneeded gray matter.

In more recent times, lobotomies have reduced in frequency, mainly due to a lack of proper information, and because of mind-altering drugs. Now, you'll forgive me if I'm a little biased, but why are people so opposed to removing a small part of their brain, but are completely keen on doping up the entire organ? There's a bit of irrationality there, mainly brought on by the crafty advertising (or some would say propaganda) of the pharmaceutical companies.

Because the practice has diminished, so have the practitioners. I am one of only a handful of certified lobotomists in the United States . And remember, you should never let an unlicensed lobotomist operate on you - that's called homicide. (Sorry, that's a little bit of lobotomy humor for you.)

Unfortunately, I can only reach and teach so many people in Somerset and it's surrounding cities. That's when my daughter suggested that I create a "weblog," which is a kind of online journal. I thought that it was a brilliant idea. And so, here I am, spreading my knowledge and passion for this science...and art!

Now, I think this is a good start, but I definitely want to hear what you are interested in. In these weblogs, visitors are allowed to write comments. There is a button that says "comment" below. If you click on it, you can write a response to what I say. It's somewhat like a bulletin board! So, if you are interested, leave a comment. Give any suggestions and hard-hitting questions you have about lobotomy, or about Doc C. I'm here for you, so let's make this weblog a powerful tool for lobotomy enthusiasts everywhere!

My One Year Anniversay: An Announcement!

As I explained in detail yesterday, today is the one-year anniversary of The Lobotomist's Dream.

So!

In honor of this momentous occasion, I would like to announce the creation of....

(Drumroll please...)

Elderly Apple!!!

.........Wait, what?

Well, Elderly Apple is a new project I'm taking on. It's a webcomic. Well, kinda. I guess you could define it more as a web experiment, because mainly, I'm not sure exactly how it's going to turn out. Well, I guess you could also call it an experimental webcomic. But let's not get hooked on semantics.

So the history behind this goes back quite a ways. Years, probably. For a long time now, I've wanted to make a webcomic of some sorts. However, I've never done it. Why not? Well you see, there are a few problems associated with starting your own traditional webcomic. In no particular order, here are some of them:
1. You need to update on a fairly regular basis.
2. If you're doing a normal-style webcomic, you need to think of a good (enough) joke for each of those updates.
3. Not only do you need writing, but unless you're really lucky or good, you also need new artwork.
4. Not only do you always need fresh artwork, you need it for each panel of your comic.
5. You need some sort of angle. And sorry, having two room/house-mates, one bitter and cynical while the other lovable-yet-dumb, has already been done. Many, many times.
6. Seriously, you really need a new angle. Speaking in UGBA 100 (Business Communication) talk, there is too much noise in the channel. If I just do a normal three-panel comic, what will make it special?

In short, the solution is to NOT make a traditional webcomic. It'd be all too much work, and unless I became infinitely better at both art and punctuality, it would be doomed for failure. If you're going to do something and have it stand out, it's got to be something completely different. It has to be a sort of niche comic that can't really be considered a derivative of anything else.

So, I had that stored away in the filing cabinet in the back of my head for a while now.

Then the holiday cards happened.

As I explained in that post, I am known in my workplace for my weird, random drawings that doing really seem to have any point. They're pretty popular with most people. They're unique. They're occasionally funny, and...hey now! That just may work!

And so, the gearwork for Elderly Apple was set into motion. I decided to use Blogger as my host, mainly because I know my way around it, and I've seen a couple other webcomics use it. So, I've been working in (mostly) secret for the past three weeks or so, setting up the site, getting the domain name, getting the feeling right, all that good stuff. And now it's ready, I feel.

Elderly Apple will have a much, much different feel from TLD. While you know me here as quite garrulous, on there I will be very terse. The only commentary I will give will be in the comment section of each post (I even think I have a format nailed down). Basically, the comics are suppose to speak for themselves (which they do). And please note that even though I call them "comics" there is no traditional punchline. I guess a better word would be ideas, as that's what they are. Random ideas that you can do whatever you want with.

I'm keeping the art style purposely childish. I think it fits the feel of the site as a whole (especially because my bio says "I have the mind of a demented six-year-old.") and it's also much, much easier to do than full on computer-drawn stuff (at least for now). So, every comic will be done in glorious marker and colored pencil (I bought over 50 different colors of each).

The name of the comic comes from Pliny, the Elderly Apple. Pliny was actually a very, very close second in my favorite holiday card drawings (I couldn't help but love the pink rabbit's expression in this one) but was my favorite for a while. I also think the idea of an elderly apple sums up the feel of the comic very well. And so, Pliny is the official mascot, namesake, and first comic of the series. However, that doesn't mean he's the star. In fact, if I can keep up with the way I'm going, he'll never be seen in another comic again. As my tagline says "No plot twists. No character development. No sense whatsoever."

Now, I have plans to update the comic daily. Daily. As in every day. For all I know, this may have to be reigned back to "weekdaily" but no more than that! I'm trying to commit to this experiment. Now, I know from experience that it's difficult to think of 10 or more of these random things in a day, but once a day shouldn't be too much to ask. Plus, I have my archive of the old holiday card drawings. I plan to utilize them when I seriously have nothing new to put up. They'll give me about a month of wiggle room, which I really think may come in handy in the future.

So, be sure to visit the site every single day. But don't just do that. I also want you to comment. But don't just do that! I also want you to vote for me! When you look on the Elderly Apple website, you'll see a little button that says "VOTE: Top Web Comics" This is for a webcomic ranking site. It's basically there to give me more exposure. Now, when you click to vote for me, you'll be taken to a page where you'll see a little avatar with a name on it, and three buttons below. Choose the button that matches the picture. That will log your vote. Now, we provide incentives for doing this. Often its some kind of bonus drawing. I don't have the capacity for that at the moment, so I am making my incentive the most precious thing in the world: trivia! I'll find a random page on Wikipedia and then tell you some sort of tidbit about it. Fair enough, right? You can log in one vote a day, and I encourage you all to vote every single day, and make sure the votes go in. Every little bit counts!

In addition to putting the comics on the website proper, I'm also going to be showing them off on deviantART (again, for more exposure) and hopefully build up some sort of following there. So check out my profile there if you want to see how that progresses.

Eventually (this is if the experiment "works") I plan to profit off my creativity. I'll be selling prints of each comic, as well as the original copies of most of them. I may even go so far as to open a CafePress shop and sell t-shirts and other merchandise. Who knows, maybe someone will even give a book offer. Yes, yes, that's looking far, far into the future, but you have to think positive about these things, you know?

So now I've explained pretty much everything there is to know about Elderly Apple. Mainly because there will be little serious explanation on the website proper. Just little quirks.

So anyway, we'll see how this experiment progresses.

But why are you still here? Go to Elderly Apple, and make all our dreams come true!

Introducing......

Well, I was right. My nephew, little Sesimani (though I may still call him Lucius, my first choice [named after Lucius Verus, co-emporer of Rome with Marcus Aurelius]) was born on May 12, 2007 at 4:56am (he's an early bird, apparently). He was 7lbs, 8oz, and 19.5 inches long. Here's some pictures of the little tyke.
Ironically, today's Mother's Day, so my sister made it just in time.

God Bless all the mothers in the world, and all they do for our sake. :)

It had to begin somewhere...

Welcome to the brand-new blog of the one and only Andrew Schnorr. With the useless opinions I always seem to have, it's a wonder I didn't start this thing earlier. Such a potent tool of both the prophet and the kook, the blog. Capable of so much discussion and dissent. But what about me? What will I be talking about in this thing?

Sports?

Politics?

My deepest, darkest feelings about how the world is a bitter mistress who seeks to play my heart like a solemn tambourine?

(The fact that I can be bitterly sarcastic, as in that last post?)

(The fact that I love parenthetical statements, like in that last post?)

(And that one?)

Well, as I'm sure many blogs have started out: I don't know yet. Not completely. But rest assured, everything written here will be tinted so as to see through my eyes (which probably means it'll have UV protection, as I almost always have sunglasses with me).

What's that, you ask? Why do I have such a creepy title? "The Lobotomist's Dream," you say, "...this guy must be crazy." Well, sir - or madam - truly your forgiveness I implore. But the fact is, I think I am. A little bit, at least. Of course, I think we are all a little crazy; most people simply don't care to admit to their insanity, however diminutive it may be. I, though, find the darker side of the psyche to be a hell of a toboggan ride.

Ah, I'm just joshing you. I'm perfectly sane, just a little quirky.

But enough about that! Once more, I welcome you to this blog, and the many adventures it's sure to have in the upcoming months. Until later...