Saturday, April 19, 2008

Big Girls Don't Fry...

Hey! Remember me? I'm still alive, and it looks like my death schedule may be easing up. So, more than likely, by the time you're reading this, I'll still be sleeping (regardless of what time/day it is).

To make up for it, I'm going to give you a fun topic:

Fried foods!

Now, as I mentioned a while back, I get Late Night about once a week. I'm still figuring out what the prime meal - that is, best food with fewest regrets - is.

I'll tell you one thing that's not the prime meal: chicken strips and fries. And I'll extrapolate a bit further and just say it's the chicken strips. I've had chicken strips and fries about twice this semester, and both times I felt a simultaneous desire to throw up and do jumping jacks. Seriously, I can't eat them any more without feeling really sick.

And this is no small task. I'll be honest: this time last year, I'd literally eat chicken strips and fries (with ranch dip) every single day (or at the least, every other day) for lunch. So, this is a pretty sizable turnaround.

So, at this point, I may be past my fried phase (with the ironic exception of fries, though I do eat fewer of them than before).

However!

That does not mean that I don't get a kick out of seeing the world of all things fried. Yes, should you ever go to a county - perhaps even a state - fair, you'll be able to see, amongst the mullets and empty cans of Bud Light, plenty of booths touting vats of gallons and gallons of bubbling oil. And Lord knows, people are willing to try, er, fry anything.

Perchance, have you heard of any of the following?
Fried Snickers
Fried Mars Bar
Fried Ice Cream
Fried Twinkies
Fried Coca-Cola

But why stop there? There's an entire world of edibles just waiting to be covered in batter and boiled in liquid fat!

Take, for example, Frank Sodolak of Snook, Texas. Sir Sodolak is a man's man. He knows the score, and he's not afraid to go the distance to achieve greatness. For him, why settle with just pan-frying your bacon? That will never do! Instead, Sir Sodolak does what any good American does and takes it to the next level...with cream gravy!



(I'm not sure which part I enjoyed more: the fact that the menu has a cigarette ad, the woman who says it needs more salt, or the fact that a troop of boy scouts could fashion tents out of the shirts of any of the people in that video.)

So, that's chicken fried bacon. Now, while we've all cut two years off our life just by watching that video, at least we can rest assured that it doesn't get any worse than that.

.......Right?

Guys?

Oh...

Oh, no!

Oh, GOD!

DEAR GOD, NO!!!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

That video made me hungry. I need to get on Mapquest and check out Snook, TX.

What's a couple years off your life when all we have to look forward to is Global Warming? How 'bout a 2 pound steak and a mountain of onion rings fried in year old grease - YUM!

Texas Bound

Christopher said...

Dear lord, and now I know why the south shall never rise again - they'll be too heavy to be able to get up.

The only thing that would top it off would be double-fried fries. beer-battered beer, amnd deep-fried mayonaise, . I'm surer Paula Dean could figure out how to do that.

-Comrade Chavez

Squall said...

I imagine those butterballs wouldn't be the worst, simply because I can conceive of deep fried lard, which would be unedible by most humans.

Let us not forget that deadly pastry the french chef concocted to kill homer in that one episode, that's deadly.