Thursday, March 29, 2007

Awkward Moments Ahoy!

Hey hey, out there on the Intertubes!

I apologize once again for my truancy these past several days. As I said earlier, I had a 90th birthday party to attend, and from Monday to today, I was entertaining a few guests from Southern California (well, hopefully I was entertaining). As such, I couldn't update my blog. It's alright, though; one of my guests was, in fact, my most frequent commenter, so he didn't miss much in his absence from his computer.

To get things started again on familiar ground, I'd like to share a little conversation I had with a parent of a CKC resident. The father has been over for the past couple days, as his daughter has just had surgery, and he wanted to take care of her. Now, I've been on RA duty for the past couple days (that's why I'm still in Berkeley, after all), and so he's seen me each night when I go on my rounds. I had a couple small conversations with him, but nothing too fancy. He asked me where he could get a vacuum cleaner; I told him to ask for one at the front desk, etc.

So today, not but a few minutes after my friends leave for the 5 Freeway, I see him holding a vacuum. He sees me, and this is the conversation to the best of my memory (note: he had a thick New York accent...which I can't stand):
Father: "Hey! How's it going?"
Me: "Not bad. You got a vacuum, I see."
Father: "Yeah, from that Building 1, like you said. Man, I owe you an apology."
Me: "Why for?"
Father: "I didn't actually think I'd get one. I thought you were just jerking me off, but here I have one."
Me: "Yes,'s usually in an RA's best interest to tell the truth. How's your daughter feeling?"
Father: "She's better every day."
Me: "Well, that's good to hear. Have a nice day."
Father: "Wait, hold on there. I need to ask you something."
Me: "Yes?"
Father: "Well, you walk around the buildings every day and knock on the doors, right?"
Me: "Well, not every day, but a couple times a week, yes."
Father: "Whatever. And you're a guy, so I gotta ask: do you wanna have sex with my daughter?"

I'm going to make a break in the conversation just to show how much this took me off guard. Seriously. It came completely out of nowhere.


Okay, here we go again.

Me: "I'm...I'm sorry?"
Father: "It ain't an offer, buddy. I just wanna know. I know how you college boys get; I was one myself. So tell me, have you ever thought about having sex with my daughter?"

So here I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have no idea what this guy's intentions are. I figure that if I flat-out say "No," he'll think that I'm looking down upon his daughter, saying she's not attractive or whatnot. Then again, answering "Yes" didn't seem like a very good choice either. Compound this with the fact that four girls live in the particular suite I saw him in; I had no idea which one was his...but I wasn't about to tell him that, especially after asking what her condition was.

However, all was not lost. God definitely works in mysterious ways, because I had (relatively) recently thought of a line for a TV show (in my head) that would fit the situation perfectly. In reality, I fumbled around a bit with the wording, but this is what I said (and note: when applied to me, the line is a lie balder than Sinead O'Conner):

Me: "To be honest, no. I've been in a happy and monogamous relationship for the past six years, and I would never wish to ruin in with wayward thoughts of lust."


Father: "Huh. You know, you ain't so bad for a college boy."
Me: "Oh, there's a wide variety of college boys around here. Have a good day, sir."
Father: "Take it easy."

And I quickly walked out of that one. I really don't know where I would have been without having that line in my short term memory. The conversation may have gotten a lot more awkward, I can tell you that. *Sigh*...sometimes, you just wonder about people...


...Wait a minute, just what the hell was he trying to imply?


Unknown said...

Dude, NICE! VERY nice!

Anonymous said...

it's definitely possible to be a concerned, overprotective parent who's still well-mannered about it, but quite frankly, asking a sranger that kind of question that bluntly gives me the impression that the father's a creep. i mean, i'd be mortified if i found out that mine went about asking my male RA/housing affiliates of any sort if they wanted to have sex with me. mortified and nauseated and maybe pretending not to know him in public.

Unknown said...

Enteratianing? the whole place smelled of slow-cooked chickhen. I messed up my wrist again. had a headache the whole time. got a bloody nose (something I just don't get). Mark got one parking ticket, one speeding ticket. I probably won't be able to see him again for a while. we didn't get back to L.A. until 11:30. saw Luis (he and his are doing well) at 1am. didn't get home til 2 all for a few days hanging out with a guy who insisted on taking us on a tour of some rinky-dinky college and pointing out landmarks that we really weren't interested in seeing. at the end I ask Mark if it was worth it? "Oh fuck yeah!"

"do you wanna have sex with my daughter?"

i don't know about you, but that sounds like an invite to me. ;)

so... did you bone his daughter?

Anonymous said...

Some of my women friends were pressured by their parents and relatives to have a relationship with me...

Despite their lobbying, nothing ever happens.

-Comrade Chavez