Sunday, December 9, 2007

We Are Truly the Stabbiest Generation

To all my readers:

I am sorry.

Many, many hours I have sat at my desk, typing away so that you may have many, many minutes of reading material. I have made it accessible, both in writing style and in searchability on the Intertubes. I have tried to make it entertaining, or at least not totally depressing, so that you may walk away ever now and again with something resembling a smile.

And for that, I am sorry.

I was naive. I thought the only damage that could possibly done was to some faceless web server in Silicon Valley somewhere. But no, the damage was more terrible, more insidious than that.

You see, I have been like a cancer to you all. And I'm not just talking about the gamma rays coming from your monitor, causing goiters and infertility.

Nay, I am a cancer to your soul, and to society as a whole. I am systematically bringing down the structure of our world, and ensuring that when you die, you'll go down that super happy fun slide down to the pits of Hell. And before you go there, you'll go on a rampage and kill people.

Don't believe me? Just ask former NBC dude Tom Brokaw who said in an interview (emphasis mine):
HH: NBC ran the Virginia Tech killer tape on the day they obtained it. Steve Capus, Brian Williams made that decision. Did they make the right decision?

TB: Yeah, they did.

HH: Do you not think it's going to incite other people to try to do the same thing?

TB: No, I don't. I get back to something we were talking about earlier in general thematic terms, I don't think we're doing a very good job about talking about violence in this country, either. You know, Virginia Tech went away. We didn't have any ongoing dialogue in our communities or on the air about the corrosive effect of violence. It was not what he, what people saw of him on the air that will drive them, it's what they read in blog sites, and what they see in video games. It's that kind of stuff that I think is cancerous. And I'm a free speech absolutist, but I think that at the same time, we have to have free speech in some kind of a context. And part of that context is a discussion of the possible effects of it.

So there you go. Make sure you get your news not from blog sites, from traditional "air" media. That way, your soul will not be cancer-ridden, and you will not go out and kill anyone.

...Oh, and if you've read any of my posts on video games...well, then, you're doubly screwed.


Anonymous said...

Yay!! Doom!!!

Eh, anyone who's ever had a solidly decent conversation knows i'm going to hell anyways. But they would also that I would take over hell and make Satan my..erm..^_^;; heh heh, let's just say he'd always answer to me..

Besides, I wouldn't want to end up where all those video game and "free-speech" nazis are anyways.

Anonymous said...

IT'S ABOUT GOD DAMN TIME THAT YOU APOLOGIZED! You know how long it takes me to read all this cynical obvious satirical crap that just vomits out on your page. and before i leave a comment i read the whole damn s**t all over again just to see if I didn't miss anything. All that hard work and for what? I call one guy a facist nazi and what happens? you delet my comment!

but you what? I'm not that kinda guy who holds a grudge. So I'll be the better man here and accept your apology. So if you excuse me, I'm going to go and watch "1968" with Tom Brokaw!

the idaho✯kid

Anonymous said...

So...I can blame you for me being a unpatriotic commie? Oh wait, I was that before this blog existed.

Oh well, get Joe Liberman or Tipper Gore on the case.

-Comrade Chavez