Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Who Are We Gonna Call Now?

So apparently my house is haunted.

To be perfectly honest, I had always thought so. However, my evidence regarding the fact was...well, it was nonexistent. My only encounters with the supernatural would occur when I would take showers late at night (like, 1am or so), when everyone else was asleep. While in the shower, I would hear the distinct sound of footsteps in our hallway, when I knew for a fact that nobody was around! Also, I would sometimes see moving images in the glass pane of our entertainment system which made it seem like someone was walking in our hallway when, again, nobody was around!

However, as you may be able to tell, it's difficult to prove that these things actually happened, as I said, because nobody was around.

However, over the break, something different happened. Something that was more than just sights or sounds; something that completely defied logic.

We lost a key.

Wait, come back! Here me out! This was no ordinary key! You see, in my house, there is a deadbolt on the front door. But unlike modern deadbolts, which you just flip in and out, this one is from days long past. So, it has a keyhole on both sides. And the key on the inside essentially acts as that little lever on the modern ones. To the best of our knowledge, almost nobody in my family takes the key out, ever.

So imagine our surprise this past Saturday when we come back from our third Thanksgiving dinner and discover that the key...was gone. The first instinct was to ask my dad if he'd seen it, as he was the one there all day (he was too exhausted to go to the party).

My Dad: "No, Andy has it."
Me: "What?"
My Sister: "Andy, you're such a liar."
Me: "No! I don't have it!"

After I had sufficiently proven the fact that I didn't have the key (mainly through frantic pleading), my dad explained that he thought I had taken the key with me when I walked over to my grandmother's house (and nobody else was home). I hadn't. I...oh Lord, I thought, what hath I wrought?

You see, I was worried (and rightfully so, I believe) that as I was gone, I had forgotten to lock the front door, and some sneaky bastard had come in and quickly swiped the key from its socket before the neighbors or the family dog had a chance to see. They would then try to use the key later, at a more sinister time, to rob us of our valuables.

There were basically three schools of thought in my house that night. First, some people were searching the house for the key, saying that one of us must have mistakingly taken the key out and absent-mindedly placed it somewhere. But honestly, I couldn't believe it. After all, we were all thinking really, really hard about this key. Surely someone's mind would have been jogged.

Second, my sister was searching the house, but she claimed that a mischievous ghost was responsible. I honestly thought she was being facetious.

The third school of thought was mine, which I found most logical. A key that is almost never removed was gone, and nobody had any recollection of taking it. Hence, a no-goodnik had taken it, and was planning on using it against us. Instead of looking for the key, then, I was busy pulling out a Louisville Slugger bat and my dad's WWII KA-BAR. I was willing to spend all night by the front door, guarding the house, my family, and our goods.

Other precautions were taken, as well. The door was locked (obviously), and a chair (and sofa) placed in front. If anyone was getting in, they'd definitely have a struggle. And then I'd hit them over the head with the bat.

Eventually (that is, at 2:30), my mom forced me to go to bed. I did so reluctantly, but not before hiding all of my portable valuables first.

The next day, my dad called several locksmiths to get a quote on replacing the deadbolt. After hearing them all out, he called back the cheapest one and told him to come on over that day.

He then hung up...

...And immediately found the key on top of his dresser.

Now, my dad had looked at the top of this dresser at least five times prior to this, and with something weighing as heavily on your mind as this mystery was, you just know he would have seen it. However, even if it had been there that whole time, who put it there. To this day, nobody remembers even coming in contact with that key at all.

Think about it.

That does not make sense!

There is literally no logical explanation for this, people. None! I've pulled this through my mind like a towel through a proverbial wringer, and I can't put the pieces together. Key that nobody touches disappears, and doesn't reappear until the moment - literally, the moment - that my dad is finished calling a locksmith.

“When you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains--however improbable--must be the truth.”
-Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Right now, I have to say that I find it nearly impossible that anyone in the house took the key and placed it on my dad's dresser, only to have him find it much later. I find it even more impossible that the task was done by some sort of burglar. Which leads me to the improbable but only fact-satisfying answer: my sister was right. It was a ghost. And he's not just making noises late at night now. He's serious.

...Hold me.

1 comment:

Christopher said...


Of course, then there is my theory:

The NSA took the key, they though it might be a WMD, they really thought it must be, where Saddam hid the V*, but alas, it was only a key.

*V meaning VX nerve agent, which is short for O-ethyl-S-[2(diisopropylamino)ethyl] methylphosphonothiolate, but that really messes up my flow.

Wow, I haven't used rhyme since Mrs. Rodriguez/Fink's 12th grade English lit. class.

-Comrade Chavez